2021 has arrived at least! The year is welcomed with open arms after 2020. It at least brings new hope. Let’s start it out with humor. Laughter is the best medicine.
A short poem by Wm. E. Coombs
The dawn of January 1 sheds cold and lonely light
on evidence of a mighty thurst and revelry by night.
But do we sit and rest our weary frame?
For we must go to Rose Parade and football game.
Now it’s January 2,
Get up you bum, there’s work to do!
TWELVE THINGS TO CONSIDER
Internet wisdom – Author unknown
12 things to consider as we get closer to closing the door on one of the most horrible years of our lifetime.
• The dumbest thing I ever bought was a 2020 planner.
• I was so bored I called Jake from State Farm just to talk to someone. He asked me what I was wearing
• 2019: Stay away from negative people. 2020: Stay away from positive people.
•.The world has turned upside down. Old folks are sneaking out of the house & their kids are yelling at them to stay indoors!
• This morning I saw a neighbor talking to her dog. It was obvious she thought her dog understood her. I came into my house & told my cat. We laughed a lot.
• Every few days try your jeans on just to make sure they fit. Pajamas will have you believe all is well in the kingdom.
• Does anyone know if we can take showers yet or should we just keep washing our hands?
• This virus has done what no woman has been able to do. Cancel sports, shut down all bars & keep men at home!
• I never thought the comment, “I wouldn’t touch him/her with a 6-foot pole” would become a national policy, but here we are!
• I need to practice social-distancing from the refrigerator.
• I hope the weather is good tomorrow for my trip to the Backyard. I’m getting tired of the Living Room.
• Never in a million years could I have imagined I would go up to a bank teller wearing a mask & ask for money.
READER’S DIGEST NEW YEAR HUMOR
Q: What is a New Year’s resolution?
A: Something that goes in one year and out the other.
Q: What do snowmen like to do on New Year’s Eve?
A: Chill out.
Q: What do New Year’s parades have in common with Santa Claus?
A: No one is awake to see either of them.
Q: Why do you need a jeweler on New Year’s Eve?
A: To ring in the new year.
My New Year’s resolution is to stop hanging out with people who ask me about my New Year’s resolutions.
Q: What did the little champagne bottle call his father?
Q: What’s a cow’s favorite holiday?
A: Moo Year’s Eve.
Q: Where can you find comedians on New Year’s Eve?
A: Waiting for the punchline.
Q: What do farmers give their wives at midnight on New Year’s Eve?
A: Hogs and kisses!
Q: What did the ghost say on January 1st?
A: Happy Boo Year.
Q: What do you call always wanting a date for New Year’s Eve?
A: Social Security.
Q: What’s a digital camera’s New Year’s resolution?
Q: Where can you go to practice math on New Year’s Eve?
A: Times Square.
Q: Why should you put your new calendar in the freezer?
A: To start off the new year in a cool way.
Q: What do you tell someone you didn’t see on New Year’s Eve?
A: I haven’t seen you for a year!
Q: What happened to the man who shoplifted a calendar on New Year’s Eve?
A: He got 12 months!
Q: What is corn’s favorite holiday?
A: New EARS Day!
Q: What’s the one group that hates New Year’s Day?
A: The New Year’s Eve clean-up crew.
• Youth is when you’re allowed to stay up for new year’s. Middle age is when you’re forced to.
• An optimist stays up until midnight to see the new year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves.
• My grandparents had resolutions like donating more time and money to charities. I’ve decided to make my own coffee once a week.
• I see no need to make more New Year’s resolutions when the ones already on the books aren’t being enforced.
• This New Year’s, I’m going to make a resolution I can keep—no dieting all year long.
• I was going to quit all my bad habits for the new year, but then I remembered that nobody likes a quitter.
• The only “homework” you want your dog to chew up is your list of New Year’s resolutions.
• If you’re enjoying these New Year’s jokes, you’ll want to check out these New Year’s cartoons that are hilariously spot-on.
RESOLUTION 1: LEARN TO MANAGE YOUR TIME. RESOLUTION #2: GIVE UP GAMBLING
DAVE CARPENTER FOR READER'S DIGEST CARTOON RESOURCE/SHUTTERSTOCK
RESOLUTION #3: DON’T LET OTHERS JUDGE YOU RESOLUTION #4: GET A HAIRCUT
Barbara Smaller/Everyone’s A Critic/ MIKE SHAPIRO
Courtesy Princeton Architectural Press
RESOLUTION #5: GIVE UP ALL OF THAT PASTA RESOLUTION #6: STOP SNOOPING
DAN MISDEA DAVE CARPENTER
RESOLUTION #7: DOUBLE CHECK ALL EMAILS RESOLUTION #8: GIVE LESS ADVICE
SUSAN CAMILLERI KONAR FOR READER’S DIGEST PHIL WITTE FOR READER’S DIGEST
RESOLUTION #9: READ MORE RESOLUTION #10: IMPROVE YOUR SPELLING
HARLEY SCHWADRON FOR READER’S DIGEST AN PIRARO/BIZARRO.COM
LIAM FRANCIS WALSH/THE NEW YORKER COLLECTION
LAUGH, BE HAPPY (but wear a mask, social distance, and wash your hands often) AND HAVE A HAPPY NEW YEAR AND A BETTER 2021!