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THE CORDS THAT BIND

4/28/2017

Ahh, the ties that bind us. There are so many quotes, most with spiritual overtones, and so many ties connecting us to others, to ideals, to beliefs, and to things.

In his article Cutting The Cords That Bind You, Ayal Hurst writes "Our bodies are electrical in make-up. Within and without, our beings operate like telephone circuits, sending impulses through the nerves to connect with and communicate to other energy impulses. We are all interconnected on the Great Energy Grid of Life, and thoughts travel with the speed of lightning around the grid, connecting one to another.

This isn't a blog about that kind of cord that binds us. Hmm! Instead, it addresses one of those little things in life that don't matter at all but are very persistently annoying. Electrical cords.

OTHER COUNTRIES
When I visit other countries, many of the tourists I travel with are overwhelmed and horrified when they see, in many cities, masses of electric cords above the streets.

South Africa China India

Well, okay. After all, these places are very crowded and poverty is prevalent. The country doesn't have the money to invest in undergrounding the wires. Plus, with such low incomes, it's not surprising people tap into the city's electricity. But we don't have to look that far away to see the same thing.

THE EPIPHANY
Sometime during my twenty-five years of foreign travel, I had an epiphany. I don't think I could pinpoint it, or even remember which trip it was, but when I came home and tried to catch up on the cleaning that hadn't been done while I'm away … bam! There it was.

O.M.G!

OverThe communication ties of daily living -- phone, TV, computer, tablets, speakers, coffee pot, cell phone, and the cords that power them – have become a scourge. A mass of unsafe cords and electrical connections. And I'm guessing my household isn't the only one.

Do you have plug extensions in your house? Do you have masses of wires and cords behind your computer desk, some of them from older setups not even connected to anything? Overloaded outlets?

HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?
Obviously, during the past twenty-plus years the number of outlets needed by the average household has multiplied until now, it would be a long exercise to list everything in your house you plug in with a power cord. And another fact of life is that most houses, even recently-built ones, don't have enough outlets for the average needs. The scant number of those provided are not located in the most functional locations and are not installed at the correct height.

THE SHARK TANK
Solving a Two-Pronged Problem
Considering all the innovative electronics and the accessories we have to be plugged into an electrical socket, including cars, you'd think someone would have come up with an effective and reasonable way to manage the deluge of power cords. When I say reasonable, I mean inexpensive enough to be within reach of most people who have this problem, easy to clean around, and easy enough for an fat old lady with severe arthritis in her hands to actually use.

There are a numerous products on the market … whether they are reasonable or not I can't say about most. Our best inventors are hard at work to solve the problems.

● Problem 1 - Increasing the number of outlets
During the mid- to late-twentieth century the common solutions were devices plugged into the current outlet, expanding two service receptacle into four or six, and extension cords.
Look at the size of the computer plugs we had to accommodate. (Below - right)

The Shark Tank inventiveness of today's engineers and inventors has produced new and more compact ways to increase the number of outlets available and accommodate the large plugs, while improving the safety of such devices.

Of course, the best way would be to require builders to install a larger number of outlets, at more convenient locations, in houses. I suppose that's too simple, and unAmerican, for the Twenty-first century.

● Problem 2 – Managing the many cords
Managing the many cords of our lives depends on several approaches. The first is bundling them, binding them together, and then covering them up.

I've tried a few of these, in particular the Tidy Tube style. It took forever to get the cords inside the tube. Then, a few weeks later, I had to take them all out to get at one cord. By the way, they have the sidewinder in black, but I love the one that resembles a black and yellow snake.

Tidy Tube Side Winder Binding in the manufacturing process with rotating plugs

● Problem 3 – Making the solutions more aesthetic
Keeping the cords separated and making them more aesthetic

I have to say, aesthetics is in the eye of the beholder. These first four products are samples of humorous or cute ways to keep individual cord separate and untangled. The second four are samples to making the cords look better or less detectable.

The first two in the second row are not going to win prizes for aesthetics or safety. They are both accidents waiting to happen. And even through the last photo with the desk is considered a "cord management" system, you would have to have enough space to roll away from the wall, or have space behind it.

● Reducing the number of required Outlets needed
One way of accomplishing this is to have a charger that uses one outlet but can charge multiple devices, often at the same time. This approach is viable and useful. I found the one I had, just a flat surface, required a lot of fiddling around to find the correct position for the device in order to charge. It got to be a hassle, and I quit using it. Hopefully, other brands don't require that.

Here again, the most logical solution is to find a way to make most devices and appliances cordless. Too bad we don't live in a perfect world.

Okay. I've vented. I'm getting off my soap box now.

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CAN AN EXTROVERT BE SHY?

4/21/2017

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You bet!
About eight years ago, I agreed to write an article for Rebecca Clark's Once Written, Twice Shy blog, for shy writers.

I intended to share some of my own experiences learning to overcome shyness and being in the public eye. But after reading the blog, and others dealing with shy writers and shyness in general, I was surprised at how much there is out there on the topic, I was also struck by how many writers made statements like J.A.Saare on June 25, 2010 when she wrote, “The truth is, as often as I think of myself as shy, I’ve been told I’m quite the opposite.”

Hey! That’s my story. So, what’s the deal?

While researching the topic, I decided many of us may suffer from confusion in terminology. I’m not sure that makes a difference in how one handles marketing, selling yourself to editors and agents, making public presentations, handling book signings, and the like. But I do believe the more we understands about ourselves, the easier it is to address our problems and make informed choices. Besides, as authors, we are word crafters and should be masters of that craft. Words do make a difference.

So here goes! Instead of being shy, you may be an extrovert who is shy. Well, that’s crazy. Shy people are introverts. The words mean the same thing. Everyone knows that. I thought so, too, but not according to many of the psychologists and experts in the field.

SHYNESS
Shyness can be defined as feelings of apprehension, discomfort, anxiety, dread, lack of confidence, or awkwardness experienced when a person is in proximity to, approaching, or being approached by other people, particularly in new situations or with unfamiliar people. In biology, the word “shy” generally means "tends to avoid human beings."

While most experts generally agree on the definition, I found in my research numerous opinions about the reasons for shyness. Most sources indicated shyness as a learned behavior which can occur in certain stages of development in children, is learned in a certain cultural environments, or is a cultural norm. Not only that, but it’s a learned behavior which is fueled by a concern that one will be (or is being) judged negatively by other people, regardless of whether this is actually the case.

As a result, many shy people never overcome this feeling of discomfort in social situations because they limit social interactions to reduce their anxiety.

But, hey! If it’s learned behavior, it can be “unlearned,” right? Yes, it can.

INTROVERSION
Introversion is another matter. Introvert and Extrovert are defined as personality types and all people seem to be categorized as being one or the other, although a few experts acknowledged there are people in the middle although they may have a tendency toward one type or the other. Not one article I read stated or implied that this is learned behavior.

By most definitions, introverts tend to be people who are reserved, less outgoing and less sociable. They aren’t necessarily loners, but tend to have smaller circles of friends and find it easier to solve things inside their heads without help.

Introversion doesn’t mean social discomfort but rather social preference. An introvert may not be shy at all but may merely prefer non social or less social activities. Another expert described introverts as needing more down time. This natural preference is found in the animal kingdom where some species prefer to live and travel in groups or herds and others tend to be solitary.

Sophia Dembling, in her post “Introversion vs. Shyness” on her Psychology Today blog The Introvert’s Corner, draws the distinction clearly:
▪ Shy is the fear of socializing.
▪ Introversion is a lack of interest in socializing.

She also writes, “Someone who is introverted and shy will behave differently from someone who is introverted and not shy, who will behave differently from someone who is extroverted and shy, who will behave differently from someone who is extroverted and not shy.” And, by the way, this is good information for developing fictional characters.

The bottom line: Both introverts and extroverts may suffer anxiety in social situations. Presumably, based on Dembling’s statement, they would handle it quite differently.

A COMPARISON
Marti Olsen Laney, Psy.D., a researcher, educator, author, psychotherapist and authority on introversion, compares introverts and extroverts on her site The Introvert Advantage:

Introverts:
▪ Enjoy time alone
▪ Are good listeners
▪ Appear calm and self-contained
▪ Consider only deep relationships as friends
▪ Feel drained after outside activities, even if they were fun
▪ Think, then speaks or act.

Extroverts:
▪ Like to be in the thick of things
▪ Relish variety
▪ Know lots of people, considers lots of people friends
▪ Enjoy chit-chatting, even to strangers
▪ Feel stoked after activity
▪ Speak or act then think or think while speaking

According to several articles, people who are in between who don't mind being in a big crowd or alone. These people may have a large group of friends but don't mind spending time alone. One expert wrote, “Being an introvert doesn't necessarily mean shy. It means your energy drains when you're in group situations while extroverts baths in the energy.”

According to the article “Introversion: The Often Forgotten Factor Impacting the Gifted,” by Jill D. Burruss and Lisa Kaenzig, introverts belong to two distinct groups:

▪ “Group A: Self-sufficient, confident, hardworking, with firm goals, self-actualizing, reserved, preferring activities that involve inner experience and introspection; and

▪ “Group B: Shy, timid, withdrawn with low self-concept, lacking in communication skills, demonstrating fear of people, dread of doing things in front of others, who prefer being left alone.

HIGHLY SENSITIVE PERSONS (HSP)
To complicate things, throw into the mix the Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) who has often been labeled as shy or introverted but isn’t necessarily. I’d heard the term but never read up on it.

A highly sensitive person is a one who is very easily affected by external things. They are said to have a “high sensitivity,” but this isn’t learned behavior or personality type. People falling into this category, which represents about a fifth of the population, are biologically wired so they process sensory data much more deeply and thoroughly due to a biological difference in their nervous systems.

People who are HSP are more aware of and responsive to other people's moods and judgments, and to their own inner feelings. They can be either introverts or extroverts, shy or not shy.

The key point: In the past, HSP was often confused with innate shyness, inhibitedness, innate fearfulness, introversion, and so on. People who think of themselves as shy may actually be HSP.

WHICH ARE YOU?
Knowing who you are and why you react the way you do makes a difference when you’re trying to find your personal path in the world of writing and publishing. There are many choices to make. Some may be right for you, others wrong. You may be willing to work at overcoming your shyness, you may not. That’s a decision the individual has to make. Behavior modification is possible, but it’s hard work and requires commitment. Some writers may choose to work around shyness rather than attempt to overcome it.

I overcame shyness in relation to making public presentations before large audiences, TV cameras, and political bodies (such as City Councils) simply because I had to. It was a requirement of my job as a Planning Director, and the more experience I had under my belt, the less anxious I became.

I also found that I was less nervous when I knew my topic cold. In some positions, I had to present the work and reports prepared by my staff, and that was much more difficult for me. But I’m still shy about talking to strangers and meeting new people.

After doing this research, I thought about all the writers who I, personally, have heard say, “I’m shy.” Not necessarily as an excuse, but an explanation…even a confession. Then I thought about what my editor would say if I wrote, “She was shy.” She would tag me with the note “Lazy. How does she feel? What is she thinking? How is she reacting? Show it.”

If we, as writers, take apart our own feelings and reactions in the same way as we deal with our fictional characters, perhaps it will be easier to find what works best for each of us. Be true to yourself.
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THE CORDS THAT BIND

CAN AN EXTROVERT BE SHY?

Author R. Ann Siracusa

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