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DEAR HACKER

5/17/2019

I’VE BEEN HACKED
Several years ago, I received, out of the blue, a dozen e-mails from friends asking if I was really in Turkey. They and others had received an e-mail, supposedly from yours truly, with pleas for money because my family and I were stranded in that country.

A few years before I had traveled in Turkey and found it to be a beautiful and fascinating country, but I wasn't there without money to spend on Turkish Delight and other intriguing things. To clarify, this happened before the politics became so troubled, and I didn’t worry about traveling there.

Of course, my friends immediately recognized the scam. So did I, and I was pissed. I sat down and wrote an angry letter to the hacker with the reasons why his/her letter was such a failure. I didn't have a clue who the hacker was or how to reach that person, but decided to post it on my blog just for the heck of it.

Cartoon By Ron Leishman

"Dear Hacker,
I hope you enjoyed your trip to Turkey -- it's really a beautiful country – and made it home without further incident. I imagine by now you realize the significant mistakes you made hacking into an author's address book.

First, writers generally have other writers' e-mail addresses, and writers are not necessarily the best paid people on the Internet. The most you could expect to get from a writer is about five bucks, if that. [Plus, a writer's reaction might be to welcome the reduced competition and opportunity to leave another writer-friend stranded in a foreign country. You never know.] Unfortunately, you failed to indicate where to send the money and how to get in touch with you, which is sure to get you nothing.

Second, you need better language skills if you're going to convince writers that one of their own is in need. Most of my writer friends knew at once the verbatim e-mail, reprinted word for word and punctuation mistake for mistake, below, was a fraud.

   “I am so sorry to bring this to your notice, I and my family came down to Turkey on a short vacation, On getting
   there we were seriously mugged at a gun point with bruises all over our heads. All cash and credit card and cell
phones were stolen away away from us. Right now we have no means of getting back home. Our return flight
leaves soon, we're having financial problems sorting our hotel bills and the hotel manager won't let us leave
   until we sort the bills. We need your help with some money i will surely refund it back to you.”

Third, your letter isn’t written in critical panic mode. If I were stranded somewhere without money, and had the opportunity to e-mail someone for help, I wouldn’t waste my time on this kind of a communication. Plus, I’ve traveled enough to know you should never keep all your money and credit cards in one place and to always carry copies of your important documents.

WHY YOUR LETTER MISSED THE MARK
You, my dear hacker, really need to improve your writing and punctuation skills in English. If you intend to continue your career as an extortionist, I suggest you invest in a good grammar/spell check program and some English classes.
Further, it's unlikely I would bring something "to your notice". To your "attention" perhaps, but even that sounds rather affected in terms of colloquial English.

"I and my family"?
I don't think so. I would say "My family and I" and, also, I wouldn’t "come down to Turkey" since I would be traveling from California. In case you can’t read a map, Turkey is to the east of California – although I concede one can get from California to Turkey by going west also. Americans have a tendency to describe the direction of a geographic location based on where they live or start a trip.

"On getting there"?
Okay for prose, not for letters to friends or dialogue. Even the turns of phrase "Upon arriving" or "Upon our arrival" are somewhat formal. I'd use "When we got there …” Also note that if you are writing the message in Turkey, and you are stranded, you would be talking about "here", not "there"?

"Seriously mugged"?
I imagine all muggings are serious, particularly to the mugee. Please describe to me what an un-serious mugging would be like.

"With bruises all over our heads."?
This description evokes a lot of questions. Did you have bruises all over your heads to start with? Bruises on heads might be hard to see unless the hair is cut very short. If the mugger held you and your family at gun point, did he bash everyone on their heads with something else or with the gun? If he bashed one of you with the gun, then the rest of the victims couldn’t have been at gun point at the same time. Did this mugger act alone?

"Stolen away away"?
The phrase “stolen away” is not common usage in my part of the US. "Stolen away away from us", even less common unless the speaker is stuttering. Can one stutter in writing?

You should leave spaces (at least one) between sentences and end them with proper punctuation. Commas in the right places are nice too. And don’t forget to capitalize “I”. This was an e-mail, not a text message.

“Right now we have no means of getting back home.”
Here your English is fine, but your logic is lacking. If your flight was leaving soon, then you most likely had tickets. Ergo, you had a means of getting home. Based on the rest of your letter, what you lacked was the means to pay the hotel bill.

I'm sure the hotel manager would not allow patrons leave until they "paid" the bills. It's not much of a problem to sort them, but the hotel wants the money.

Finally, I might "repay" the loan, but I wouldn't even think of saying I'd "refund" it (although, technically, that may not be incorrect). I mean, everyone is a little sloppy in e-mails, and we all make mistakes, but come on!

I was gratified when my friends all greeted me with, "I'm glad to see you're back from Turkey. LOL!" I'm not sure what other people in my address book thought, since many of them are professional contacts and don't know me from Adam. It's a cinch they wouldn't send money to bail out a complete stranger.
I hope you had a nice vacation, and better luck next time.

Sincerely, R.A.S.

Alas, my sarcasm was wasted, since I had no place to send the e-mail, but I felt better. I'm climbing off my soap box now and won't bother my readers with this again. I promise!
□

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PARAPROSDOKIANS: "I didn't say It Was Your Fault; I said I'm blaming you."

5/10/2019

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YES, VIRGINIA, THERE REALLY IS A PARADROSDOKIAN!
You may not find any paraprosdokian at the La Brea Tar Pits, but they exist. Really, they do! You can find them in Merriam Webster and most other dictionaries, snoozing between the pages.

However, you probably are familiar with this species which is commonly known as the ever- popular comedic One- Liner. Merriam-Webster defines paraprosdokian as “A figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to re-frame or re-interpret the first part.”

In fact, some paraprosdokians can change the meaning of the initial phrase and play on the double meaning of the words, creating a syllepsis.

No! That’s not a baby paraprosdokian or a sexually transmitted disease. Syllepsis is another figure of speech in which a word is applied to two others in different senses. (e.g., caught the train and a bad cold.)

WRITERS AND READERS, REJOICE!
The paraprosdokian figure of speech is one everyone is familiar with, but writers should understand its use as another writing tool.

If you're like I was, at this point you are saying—or perhaps yelling—"What the heck are you talking about?" Even stronger language may be appropriate.

It is much easier to give examples of Famous Pararosdokians:
● "He was at his best when the going was good."--Alistair Cooke on the Duke of Windsor
● "There but for the grace of God—goes God."--Winston Churchill
● "If I could just say a few words… I'd be a better public speaker."--Homer Simpson
● "If I am reading this graph correctly—I'd be very surprised."--Stephen Colbert
● "On his feet he wore…blisters."--Aristotle
● "I've had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it."--Groucho Marx
● "A modest man, who has much to be modest about."—supposedly Winston Churchill, about Clement Attlee
● "I haven't slept for ten days, because that would be too long."--Mitch Hedberg
● “Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.”

NOW I GET IT!
We're all acquainted with these one-liners because they're frequently used in comedy. They're fun. They're also useful in writing for several reasons.

● First, because writers are constantly advised to avoid clichés and to come up with new and fresh ways of expressing the same old ideas. A writer can use this technique to invent new and interesting metaphors.

● Second, the use of this figure of speech can create humor or dramatic effect, or even for producing an anticlimax.
This device is used not only in comedy but in literature and frequently in films. Here are some examples of the use of the device in literature:

● Example #1 – My speech to the Graduates by Woody Allen
"Contemporary man, of course, has no such peace of mind. He finds himself in the midst of a crisis of faith. He is what we fashionably call ‘alienated.’ He has seen the ravages of war, he has known natural catastrophes, he has been to singles bars."
   The sentences goes along dealing with the meaning of life. The juxtaposition of final phrase contrasts so much
   with the serious topic, that it’s unexpected and, therefore, humorous.

● Example #2 - The Restaurant at the End of the Universe by Douglas Adams
“Trin Tragula–for that was his name–was a dreamer, a thinker, a speculative philosopher or, as his wife would have it, an idiot…”
   Trin Tragula is portrayed as "a dreamer, a thinker, a speculative philosopher”, all characteristics the reader would
   think of as good traits. Adams, however, ends his litany by mentioning how Trin Tragula’s wife perceives him (“as
      his wife would have it, an idiot”). This ending is a surprise to the readers and creates comic effect.

● Example #3 - The Cottage Maid by Patrick Branwell Bronte
“Religion makes beauty enchanting,
And even where beauty is wanting,
The temper and mind,
Religion refined,
Will shine through the veil with sweet luster...."
   While this one is truly incomprehensible to me, it is explained this way. "In this excerpt, the author is talking about
   religion through the first four lines. However, in the last line, there is a sudden shift of sense" which renders a
   different meaning from the rest of the text. thttps://literarydevices.net/paraprosdokian/

JUST FOR FUN: HERE IS A SHORT LIST
There are many lists of well-known and not-so-well-known paraprosdokians. Here are a few:

● "I like going to the park and watching the children run around screaming, because they don't know I'm using blanks." --Emo Philips
● "I haven't slept for ten days, because that would be too long." --Mitch Hedberg
● "I sleep eight hours a day and at least ten at night." --Bill Hicks
● "I don't belong to an organized political party. I'm a Democrat." --Will Rogers
● "On the other hand, you have different fingers." --Steven Wright
● “I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.”
● “Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.”
● “I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
● “Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.”
● “The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on the list.”
● “Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.”

HAVE FUN WITH IT!

Sources:
http://www.yourdictionary.com/paraprosdokian
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paraprosdokian
https://literarydevices.net/paraprosdokian/
http://www.economicnoise.com/2011/09/05/182-paraprosdokians/
http://www.clker.com/clipart-797642.html
Title contributed by Ali from Pakistan on 06-24-2017

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RESEARCHING YOUR NOVEL

5/3/2019

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ONE SIZE DOES NOT FIT ALL
One of the most delightful and fun, but frustrating, activities related to writing is researching. While there are general guidelines, everything depends on the topic, the accessibility of material, how accurate the author believes is necessary, and what the author already knows about the setting and the topic. It’s up to the author, so each project will be different.

WHERE TO BEGIN
Assess your story
In writing this, I’m assuming the author already has an idea what the novel is about and the genre, time, location, and a sense of how much research may be necessary. If you are writing about a topic and location you already know well, your research may be minimal. You might begin your manuscript in whatever way suits you as a writer, and only research for details as you need them. If the novel is your first historical set in a location you’ve never been visited or studied, you are going to need more. Take some time to think about it.

Organize a System for your Research Materials
Most authors addressing this topic suggest the writer set up the system for organizing and storing the research materials before starting to collect data. Some writers resist doing anything in advance, but organizing beforehand pays off. You want to be able to find easily the information and references you’ve collected. Different authors have their own preferences – some manual and hardcopy, some digital, some both -- and there are a number of excellent computer programs available for the purpose listed at the end.

Author Joanna Penn says, “I used to take all my notes in Scrivener because it’s then within easy reach when I write, but I have also started to supplement this with Evernote as it makes things easier to organize for the longer term, whereas Scrivener is for each specific project.”

Use Research To Inform Your Story
Penn also writes that she often goes “into the research phase with no concrete agenda” and emerges “with a clear idea of how the story will unfold.” With only a general idea to start with, research can suggest plots, actions, and settings for the novel which the author hasn’t thought -- or even knows -- about and helps to create an accurate world for the fiction to take place.

My advice, based on personal experience, is to develop at least a rough outline of the story with tentative plot points, setting, and main characters generally identified before you start. Then, armed with a good dose of flexibility, adjust as new ideas evolve from the research. That allows the author to pin down where to look and for what in greater detail.
That’s for the author to decide. The important thing is not to assume you’ll remember everything or that the information will take care of itself. It doesn’t.

WHAT TO RESEARCH
The question of what takes us back to genre, topics (both internal, such as dealing with a mental disorder, and external, such as what takes place during an autopsy), when and where the story takes place, and so on.

My advice: Limit your initial efforts to those things which are critical to your storyline. For example, describing the clothing style, unless it affects the storyline, can be left for filling in later. Look at it this way: while it’s difficult to know how much research is necessary to uncover those important things, the reverse is it’s fairly simple to determine what things only enhance the settling and atmosphere of the novel.

Where To Look
● Public Library
● University Library/archives
● Book Stores
● Museums
● Internet
● Movies and documentaries
● Newspaper Archives
● TV series, movies, documentaries, etc.
● Visual images including Pinterest
● Take a class or two
● Talk to people who know about the subject/topic/location.
    ▪       There are wonderful websites and Yahoo groups on the internet which provide access to experts in various fields who will answer writers’ questions.
    ▪       Catia Shattuck, copywriter, suggests just calling people [even at random].
    ▪       Call professional organizations or whatever kind of body represents people in the field you’re interested in, and ask them to recommend or find someone to talk to you.
    ▪       For location information, call the Chamber of Commerce or equivalent, or local realtors.
● Travel
Nothing beats knowing the physical environment of your setting. If at all possible, go there, wander the streets, eat at the restaurants, smell the smells and experience the weather. Most of all, watch the people. Being there gives a different perspective on the “feel” of the location. If you can’t go, that’s when talking to someone and/or travel guides are useful.
● Experiment
Be careful. No one should get hurt during this process. Don’t blow up your garage learning how to make a bomb for your factious terrorist in a spy novel.

What To Look At
● Books in general and best sellers as related to topic(s) – fiction and non-fiction
● Novels addressing the same topic or take place in the same time period and general location
● Text books and how-to manuals [as appropriate]
● Maps
● Travel Guide Books
● Magazines
● Newspapers
● Primary Materials [Old letters, old photographs, diaries, journals, etc.]
● Visual images including Pinterest
● People Watch – See how people similar to your characters act and react
● Internet Articles

Regarding this last one, which is an important resource, when there are few references listed and you want more, take some aspect related to your topic or location and go to Google Images. When you find a related photo, click on it for an enlargement. To the right of the enlarged photo will be something about the picture and four small boxes. Click on “visit” and it will take you to original article. I usually find many articles that won't come up in an ordinary Google search.

HOW TO RESEARCH
Again, how depends on the project, but there are guidelines and suggestions most authors agree on. The unfortunate part is that the decisions of how to apply the rules of thumb still fall to the author. Hey, it’s your project!

“What you research depends on the kind of book you’re writing and what kinds of topics you need to research.” __ Benjamin Dull, Quora 01-08-2014

Research can consume a great amount of time and, for an author, it can be fun wandering off into new and interesting topics and places. Start with big-ticket items that might affect your storyline.

“If you're doing research, you really do need to be thorough about it, or you'll miss something.”
__ Benjamin Dull, Quora 01-08-2014.0

My own experience is that you don’t want to miss some fact which makes your storyline, or key factors in the story, either impossible or highly improbable. A chicken-egg situation [Although there is an answer to that age-old question.]

“Eventually, while researching, you’ll learn something you didn’t want to know. Some fact that ruins a plotline you had in mind.” He goes on to explain. "For instance: My protagonist is stranded on Mars in a small temporary base and has to figure out how to survive for years. He has a few potatoes from his rations, so he decides to farm them inside the base. I figured he could bring Martian soil inside, then plant potatoes in it. But to do that, he needed water—and after some research, I learned that the soil where he was had almost no water in it. This led to a subplot where he had to manufacture water from materials he had on hand. And that subplot ended up becoming one of the pivotal points of the book.” __ Andy Weir 03-07-2014 https://www.publishersweekly.com/pw/by-topic/industry-news/tip-sheet/article/61328-how-to-research-like-a-writer.html

"The first problem you run into is the inherent unreliability of information on the internet. A lot of it is inaccurate, most of it is slanted, and some of it is deliberately misleading.” __ Andy Weir 03-07-2014 https://www.publishersweekly.com/pw/by-topic/industry-news/tip-sheet/article/61328-how-to-research-like-a-writer.html

The internet is one of the most important tools writers have for researching. The availability of such a tool has had dramatic effect on how to conduct research. Information about almost any topic is available at the strike of a few keys. It creates opportunities for author researching today – e.g. we no longer have to travel to Paris to find the street intersections we need -- but it also has some downside.

When you research, be selective about your sources. Check them for reliability and find several dependable references that agree before you use some fact in your work. Remember, anyone can say anything on the internet, whether or not it’s true.

The second problem you run into is either not having many sources above reproach … or having too many “reliable” sources that disagree. There are several obvious reasons for the disparities.
   ▪ Perhaps no one kept the type of records you are interested in [or any records at all];
   ▪ The only “sources” are the writings of one or two individuals;|
   ▪ The accounts of the event were written many years after the fact, or the information has been handed down, generation to generation, by word of mouth until it falls into the category of legend.
▪ Even with more advanced recordkeeping, mistakes and omissions may have been made;
▪ Natural and/or man-made disasters may have destroyed some of records:
   ▪ Multiple sources have recorded events differently. For example, a family bible may show a certain date for a birth, but the county records show two days later. Did it take that time to get to the courthouse to record the birth?
▪ Different accounts record and omit certain facts;
      ▪ The spelling of names get changed, or letters of the alphabet get transposed.

Names of people and places are written in different languages, which also can be mistranslated. How many immigrants to the United States had their surnames changed by the immigration official handling the paperwork?

People make mistakes, no matter what century they live in.

So, after this long-winded explanation, what does a writer do about it. First, does it really matter how accurate the information is? Second, can you use a range of dates rather than a specific date? In non-fiction, it is easy enough to point out there are differences between references. When this happens in researching for fiction, either use different facts; be specific about location when addressing styles, customs, food; find another way to say what you want to say without using those inconsistent facts.

Finally, you can take a W.A.G. and hope no one recognizes it for what it is – a wild-assed guess. After all, can you tell when Michael Crichton, who I believe wrote the best-researched novels of all time, moved from the cutting edge of real science into the realm of fiction?

“Research can become a form of procrastination and the more you research, the more information you will find to include. Therefore, as soon as you have enough information to write a scene about a place, event or person in your novel, then maybe you should stop and do some writing about it. Keep a balance between consumption and creation, input and output.” __ Joanna Penn, https://www.thecreativepenn.com/2017/01/18/research-a-novel/

“There’s more to research than just looking up facts. Eventually you have to make subjective calls. The next thing to know is when to say when. If you look up every last detail on your subject, you’ll never finish.” ... “There’s a point at which you have to stop researching and start making things up. You are a writer, after all. Making stuff up is your job.” __ Andy Weir 03-07-2014 https://www.publishersweekly.com/pw/by-topic/industry-news/tip-sheet/article/61328-how-to-research-like-a-writer.html

“Not everything needs to end up on the page. A classic error new writers often make (is) 'info-dumping' the product of their extensive research in its entirety, believing it will make for a better story. The truth is that readers don't want to be spoon-fed every single piece of information. They're not reading a research report, after all; they're reading a novel.” __ https://writersedit.com/fiction-writing/top-7-tips-researching-novel/

HOW MUCH RESEARCH
This takes us full circle to the author making informed decisions based on what kind of book is being written. No one else can make that determination except, perhaps, an editor who is looking for something else. There are three major “…ilities” to keep in mind: Credibility of the author, Sustainability of reader interest; and Believability of the material.
Credibility of the Author
Modern communication technology has altered the level and kind of information easily accessible to nearly everyone on the planet. Today the reading public has available, and is exposed to, high levels of detail about people, places, technologies, customs … anything you might write about. This ups the ante on accuracy. The reader expects more of the author.

After all, if you can research it, so can your readers, and some of them might even be expects already. The reader has to know through some 6th sense that the author knows what they are talking about to make it worthwhile reading the book. If the reader spots inaccuracies, even minor and irrelevant details, the person may no longer trust the author to be accurate about anything, including the important things.

The best example I’ve encountered occurred at an RWA National Conference. For a workshop with editors, the participants could submit, in advance, the first page of a novel to be critiqued publically during the workshop (no names, of course). At the workshop, one of the editors read the beginning of a novel dealing with a love story set in Colombia and related to drug trafficking and drug cartels. The page had a good hook and I was intrigued, but at the end the editor told us he would throw this manuscript into the wastebasket at the end of the first page … and he asked the audience why. Of course, none of us got it even though we had a hard copy of the page. The editor explained that because the author spelled Colombia twice with a “u” (Columbia) and cartel as cartle, he doubted the writer’s ability to handle a topic like drug trafficking with any accuracy or credibility.

Sustainability of Reader Interest
By this I mean that too much detail and too much information, or not enough, can pull the reader out of the story because either: 1) something doesn’t seem right and causes the reader to think about that; 2) something seems to pop in out of the blue without any preparation or foreshadowing; or 3) the context is boring or bogged down with too much detail or description, and the reader wants to get on to the action or something else – like put down the book and go to bed. You want the reader to keep reading at a steady pace [fast, medium, or slow depending on what is happening in the story].

Credibility of the Material
As sophisticated as our readers have become as a group, no one knows everything. Sometimes particular details, descriptions, dialogue, just don’t sound right and distract the reader -- Did they have clocks in the 1700s? Did people use that turn of phrase in the 1800s? -- anything that draws attention away from the story.

Suspension of disbelief -- such as readers believing Superman can fly, but not that other people in his fictitious world won't recognize him when he’s wearing glasses -- is another whole discussion. We aren’t going there today.

My friend Sharan Newman writes 12th century mysteries, among many other fiction and non-fiction books. She has a doctorate in 12th century history and does much of her research traveling to Europe to read historical diaries from that era in their original languages. When we were in the same critique group, sometimes she would use an expression or some other detail that sounded, to the rest of us, too modern for the 12th century. When we pointed those things out, she would explain why we were wrong, but usually changed the detail to something else.

Why? Because a phrase, description, or detail may be completely accurate, but if it sounds unbelievable [i.e. the reader doesn't accept it as accurate], it will disrupt the smooth flow of the story. That's bad enough, but if the reader loses confidence in the author's credibility, then it's over. Chances are, the reader won't finish the book or buy another book by that author.

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DEAR HACKER

PARAPROSDOKIANS: "I didn't say It Was Your Fault; I said I'm blaming you."

RESEARCHING YOUR NOVEL

Author R. Ann Siracusa

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