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ALL FOR A FIST FULL OF ASHES
Book two in the romantic suspense series TOUR DIRECTOR EXTRAORDINAIRE BLURB A fast-paced romp through Italy with tour director, Harriet Ruby, and handsome spy, Will Talbot, in hot pursuit of a lost grave and an assassin. I'm Harriet Ruby: Tour Director Extraordinaire. At least, I thought I was worthy of that title, until... My first mistake: Agreeing to conduct a private tour of Italy. Fourteen Italian-Americans from New Jersey? All family, for three weeks, with four teenagers? What was I thinking? Fate responds to my engraved invitation by placing one of the family under surveillance as a suspect in an assassination plot, and who is assigned to the case? None other than my favorite drop-dead-gorgeous spy, Will Talbot. My second mistake: Allowing Will to coax an invitation from the family matriarch to join the tour. And that was just the beginning. The matriarch, searching for the unknown location of her mother's grave so she can bury her brother's cremated ashes (which have been smuggled into Italy wrapped in Cuban cigars), and her quirky family members sweep through Italy leaving chaos, hilarity, and danger in their wake. |
EXCERPT
Nothing had happened―yet―but I knew in my bones that accepting this tour was a terrible mistake.
And it was all Will Talbot’s fault.
Guiding any private tour is questionable, but directing a jaunt around Italy with fourteen Italian-Americans from New Jersey? All family, for three weeks, with four teenagers?
What was I thinking? This was worse than tempting Fate. It was sending an engraved invitation.
Even though my name is Harriet Ruby, I’m part Italian myself. Believe me, I know what these family trips are like. My father, the non-Italian half of my heritage, likens any event involving my mother’s relatives to a train wreck. Actually, he’s part Italian too, but he would prefer gargling with razor blades before admitting it to anyone.
Despite my intention to turn down the assignment, there I sat outside the customs area at Malpensa Airport in Milan, Italy, holding a sign with Vita Spinella and Family printed on it. Without warning, a cold shiver skittered along my spine. My skin puckered like bubble wrap and all the fine hairs on my body stood at attention.
Within sixty seconds, the airport speaker system emitted a burst of static.
“Signorina Boobie. Would Miss Harriet Boobie please report to the Drogana―to the Customs area?”
Jeez, couldn’t anyone pronounce the name Ruby? I gathered my things together and hurried up to the policeman in full regalia, guns and all, by the Customs’ exit.
“I’m Miss Ruby,” I told him in Italian, enunciating the precise sound of my last name. “They called me over the speaker just now.”
“Go in, please.”
I jogged down the hallway ramp. Rounding the corner at the bottom, I skidded to a stop to avoid colliding with a nondescript man wearing an Italian Customs uniform, his face pinched with displeasure and his eyes radiating panic.
“Are you from Adventure Seekers Travel?” he asked in a loud agitated voice.
Oh, boy. I knew it. “Yes. What’s happened?”
No need to ask. Shouting in English and Italian drew my attention to a group people gathered around a nearby Customs station. Most of them waving their hands and yelling.
Two white-haired old ladies dressed in black and four teenagers stood to one side. A girl with long bleach-blond hair watched the fracas with heavily made up eyes and a pouty-lipped smile. A pretty brunette talked on her cell phone while she took a bottle of water from her backpack. The two boys―one with a wool beanie pulled down to his eyes, the other with spiky green hair―had iPods plugged into their ears and didn’t appear to notice anything amiss.
Beside them, the women watched in grim silence. The one scrunched in a wheelchair, appearing as withered and brittle as an old branch, held a heavy wooden cane across her bony knees. Vita Spinella and family.
On a high counter, three suitcases sat open and a large pile of luggage waited to be examined. Beside it, a well-dressed woman in her forties struggled with one of the Italian Customs officials.
“Give me those!” She gripped his upper arm and swiped at his face with her free hand.
Then I saw she grappled for the small box the man held out of her reach. A fat, red-tipped cigar hung from his lips. Yuck. No wonder the place stunk.
When another official reached for the woman from behind, a short stocky man in a suit pushed him back. “No, you don’t, pal.” He looked like a bulldog, and his deep and gravelly voice sounded mean.
“Take your hands off me!”
“They’re ours. Give them back,” another woman yelled.
The man who had met me on the way into Customs grabbed my sleeve. “Do something.”
“Why are you yelling at me?” I pulled away from him. “Who are these people?”
“They’re your tour group. You must stop this at once.”
Who me? “I’m supposed to break this up? I don’t even know them. Why don’t the police stop it?”
Before he could answer, the fragile old lady leaped out of her wheelchair, sidled between the other members of her family, and gave the man holding the box a horrendous blow across the ribs with her cane. I swear I heard the bones crack.
“Aiii!” he cried in pain, spewing the cigar out of his mouth. The box flew out of his hand and sailed through the air.
With a triumphant cry, the tiny woman, who could only be Vita Spinella, tossed aside the cane, sprang for the flying object, snatching it out of the air like a wide receiver and hit the ground running―as agile as one of the NFL’s finest.
“Stop her!” the man beside me shouted.
A police officer standing two or three feet away, shook off the amazement that had frozen him into immobility and grasped the old lady’s arm as she whizzed by. She screeched and whacked him with the box. The policeman raised his arm to protect his face and hit the box as it came down a second time. The lid flipped open, scattering a couple dozen brown cylinders across the floor.
I stared at the now-empty container.
Cuban cigars? Oh, boy.
Wailing with distress, the other old woman threw herself on her knees and began scooping cigars into her hands. The stocky man joined her and both of them scrambled about the floor, picking up the pieces.
Other policemen rushed forward to pull them away and trampled the Cubans underfoot. Tobacco leaves, residue, and little dark-colored chunks were scattered everywhere.
At that point, all the adults either shouted, swore, or wept. In case you didn’t know, we Italians don’t have much in the way of volume control.
The bored-looking teenagers lounged against the counter and ignored the scene. Now, both girls were talking on their cell phones.
I’d been so intent on watching the show I paid no attention to anything else until I smelled something burning. I shifted my gaze to tendrils of smoke rising out of one of the open suitcases on the counter where, apparently, the official’s lit cigar had landed. At the same time someone hollered, “Get a fire extinguisher!”
A general cry went up. While the airport staff scurried, the brunette, without a twinge of expression or any hurry to her pace, clicked off her phone, sauntered up to the counter, and emptied the contents of her water bottle into the smoldering suitcase.
Sizzle. Pop.
As if by magic, the oldest boy in the beanie came out of his trance. His eyes widened and his mouth tightened into a thin line of anger as a final burst of steam hissed out of the open luggage.
“What’d you do that for, bitch?” He dashed to where the brunette stood and punched her in the shoulder.
“Hey, stop it!” She dropped the backpack she held by its strap and threw the empty plastic bottle at him.
The kid deflected it with his arm, and it bounced away into oblivion. “I had my PSP in there, dammit.”
“Oh, shut up, asshole.”
As the girl leaned over to pick up her bag, the youth pushed her. She stumbled backward into the man still crouched over and moaning from Vita’s blow. His hand splayed on the floor for balance, and she stepped on it―hard.
“Ahi, managia!” As he jerked his hand away, his fingers snagged onto the strap of her backpack.
She tottered, then pulled back, jerking the bag with her. “Get your hands off me, you dirty old man. Mm-other, Tony’s hitting me again!”
Without realizing I spoke out loud, I said to the policeman, “Please, shoot them. Now! You’ll be doing us all a favor.”
He grinned and gave me a thumbs-up.
REVIEWS
Review by The Pen and Muse
Wednesday, May 19, 2010 by Rebecca Lynn
Rating: No ratings given
The good thing is that Will, darling Will, is coming back for another round after this one is over (or at least that's what it appears will happen). And Harriet (his heroine) looks like she will be back, also. The suspense was interesting and exciting. Definitely not a plot I expected, when the book began, which was a good thing. Full of surprises, and worth the read. The adjectives "humorous" and "romantic" are intentionally adjectives, I think. The focus of the plot is definitely the suspense, and both the humor and the romance play supporting roles to that. Nothing wrong with it, just something I thought should be noted, given the fact that I mostly review romance. But this was a good book. I enjoyed it. And I liked Will so much that I'm considering reading the next book. Should be very exciting to see if Will and Harriet will finally get their happy ending... :-) You know me, I'm all about the happily ever after.
Travel with them on their fast-paced romantic romp through Italy in pursuit of a lost grave, an assassin, and a healing and once-in-a-lifetime love.
http://www.thepenmuse.com/2010/05/review-all-for-fist-full-of-ashes-by-r.html
Review by Examiner.com
05/03/2010 by Ginger Simpson
Rating: No ratings given / Awesome Read
If you are looking for one book that delivers a satisfying dose of romance, humor, intrigue, danger, and sexual attraction so intense you feel it, then All for a Fist Full of Ashes by R. Ann Siracusa is just what the doctor ordered.
Harriet Ruby, a tour director with the Adventure Seekers Travel Agency, takes you along when she guides a somewhat unique family through Italy as they search for their roots. Their first meeting occurs during a fracus at the custom’s desk, when one officer helps himself to a single Cuban cigar the Spinelli/Mazza family carries with them. It seems in order to save money, they’ve rolled Uncle Carmelo’s ashes inside the several boxes of stogies they’ve brought with the intent of leaving them at his mother’s grave in Sicily.
Handsome William (Will) Talbot) is an agent for Europol. He and Harriet have met formerly, and he seems to be extremely patient with her, despite all the predicaments she finds herself in. They’ve agreed to a no-strings attached, sexual relationship, but there’s no denying the feelings are far more than casual.
The cane wielding grandmother, Vita, plays a hilarious role as the family matriarch, but it seems everyone in the family has their own agenda when Granny isn’t around. She likes Will and isn’t the least bit upset when he decides to tag along on the trip. Something stinks, and it isn’t in Denmark. One of the family members is the object of Will’s secret investigation.
Harriet has her hands full with this group--green hair, bad attitudes, an escaping snake, and more to cause you to chuckle. I guarantee you’ll keep turning pages and enjoying every moment. Kudos to Ms. Siracusa for this awesome read.
http://www.examiner.com/examiner/x-34490-eBooks-Examiner~y2010m5d3-Review--All-for-a-Fist-Full-of-Ashes--Romantic-MysterySuspense-with-Humor
Review by Night Owl Romance Reviews
February 1, 2010 by Vee
Rating: 4 ½ out of 5 (A top pick)
When Harriet Ruby, a tour director, is assigned to show Italy to the Spinella family, fourteen Italian-Americans from New Jersey, little does she know some of them have more than sightseeing on their minds.
She learns they have smuggled the ashes of one of their dearly departed to carry out his last wish; to be buried with his mother. The only problem is the family doesn’t know where the remaining family lives or where his mother is buried. Regardless, Vita, the family’s matriarch, is on a mission to fulfill her brother’s wish.
But Vita’s not the only Spinella with a mission. A terrorist plot is afoot. That explains why Will Talbot, Harriet’s on-again-off-again lover and superman agent, is also there.
Amid the chaos of the extended family, Will tries to figure out what and who, but he has little to go on. Unfortunately, that leaves him dependent on Harriet to gather information. A terrible liar and accident prone, Harriet sets out to help Will avert tragedy before it occurs.
Full of colorful characters and hilarious situations, All For A Fist Full Of Ashes is fun. The humor is slapstickish, but clever. Vita’s character, an elderly woman with a fast cane and a sharp mind is only one. There were many colordul characters in the story including a phython named Fluffy. The author did a good job of making them come alive.
My only criticism is the terrorist subplot and its resolution felt threadbare. I had a hard time believing Interpol would have so little information to go on and would have to rely on Harriet. Or course, that problem created more tension. If you like Janet Evanovich’s Stephanie Plum novels, you’ll like this series by R. Ann Siracusa. It’s spunky and well-told. Definitely kept me entertained.
http://www.nightowlromance.com/nightowlromance/reviews/Review.aspx?daoid=5293
Review by Coffee Time Romance and More
12/06/09 by Maura Frankman
Rating: 4 cups
This story is outrageously funny and over the top in every way. I do not think that there is a more obnoxious family on the planet than the Spinella/Mazza clan. I loved Vita and her deadly accurate cane and the green-haired Eric, but the rest of the bunch has few redeeming qualities. The scene in the airport with the Italian officials smoking some of Uncle Carmelo’s remains is hilarious. Harriet and Will’s relationship is complicated, since he keeps everything about himself a secret, but their love scenes are pretty hot. Harriet manages to keep her head, if not her control, for most of the journey, and you will enjoy her efforts to keep the group from destroying the luxury hotels of Italy, to keep the teenagers out of jail, and to help Will keep someone from assassinating the Pope. All in a day’s work for a tour guide. Not!
http://www.coffeetimeromance.com/BookReviews/allforafistfullofashes.html
Nothing had happened―yet―but I knew in my bones that accepting this tour was a terrible mistake.
And it was all Will Talbot’s fault.
Guiding any private tour is questionable, but directing a jaunt around Italy with fourteen Italian-Americans from New Jersey? All family, for three weeks, with four teenagers?
What was I thinking? This was worse than tempting Fate. It was sending an engraved invitation.
Even though my name is Harriet Ruby, I’m part Italian myself. Believe me, I know what these family trips are like. My father, the non-Italian half of my heritage, likens any event involving my mother’s relatives to a train wreck. Actually, he’s part Italian too, but he would prefer gargling with razor blades before admitting it to anyone.
Despite my intention to turn down the assignment, there I sat outside the customs area at Malpensa Airport in Milan, Italy, holding a sign with Vita Spinella and Family printed on it. Without warning, a cold shiver skittered along my spine. My skin puckered like bubble wrap and all the fine hairs on my body stood at attention.
Within sixty seconds, the airport speaker system emitted a burst of static.
“Signorina Boobie. Would Miss Harriet Boobie please report to the Drogana―to the Customs area?”
Jeez, couldn’t anyone pronounce the name Ruby? I gathered my things together and hurried up to the policeman in full regalia, guns and all, by the Customs’ exit.
“I’m Miss Ruby,” I told him in Italian, enunciating the precise sound of my last name. “They called me over the speaker just now.”
“Go in, please.”
I jogged down the hallway ramp. Rounding the corner at the bottom, I skidded to a stop to avoid colliding with a nondescript man wearing an Italian Customs uniform, his face pinched with displeasure and his eyes radiating panic.
“Are you from Adventure Seekers Travel?” he asked in a loud agitated voice.
Oh, boy. I knew it. “Yes. What’s happened?”
No need to ask. Shouting in English and Italian drew my attention to a group people gathered around a nearby Customs station. Most of them waving their hands and yelling.
Two white-haired old ladies dressed in black and four teenagers stood to one side. A girl with long bleach-blond hair watched the fracas with heavily made up eyes and a pouty-lipped smile. A pretty brunette talked on her cell phone while she took a bottle of water from her backpack. The two boys―one with a wool beanie pulled down to his eyes, the other with spiky green hair―had iPods plugged into their ears and didn’t appear to notice anything amiss.
Beside them, the women watched in grim silence. The one scrunched in a wheelchair, appearing as withered and brittle as an old branch, held a heavy wooden cane across her bony knees. Vita Spinella and family.
On a high counter, three suitcases sat open and a large pile of luggage waited to be examined. Beside it, a well-dressed woman in her forties struggled with one of the Italian Customs officials.
“Give me those!” She gripped his upper arm and swiped at his face with her free hand.
Then I saw she grappled for the small box the man held out of her reach. A fat, red-tipped cigar hung from his lips. Yuck. No wonder the place stunk.
When another official reached for the woman from behind, a short stocky man in a suit pushed him back. “No, you don’t, pal.” He looked like a bulldog, and his deep and gravelly voice sounded mean.
“Take your hands off me!”
“They’re ours. Give them back,” another woman yelled.
The man who had met me on the way into Customs grabbed my sleeve. “Do something.”
“Why are you yelling at me?” I pulled away from him. “Who are these people?”
“They’re your tour group. You must stop this at once.”
Who me? “I’m supposed to break this up? I don’t even know them. Why don’t the police stop it?”
Before he could answer, the fragile old lady leaped out of her wheelchair, sidled between the other members of her family, and gave the man holding the box a horrendous blow across the ribs with her cane. I swear I heard the bones crack.
“Aiii!” he cried in pain, spewing the cigar out of his mouth. The box flew out of his hand and sailed through the air.
With a triumphant cry, the tiny woman, who could only be Vita Spinella, tossed aside the cane, sprang for the flying object, snatching it out of the air like a wide receiver and hit the ground running―as agile as one of the NFL’s finest.
“Stop her!” the man beside me shouted.
A police officer standing two or three feet away, shook off the amazement that had frozen him into immobility and grasped the old lady’s arm as she whizzed by. She screeched and whacked him with the box. The policeman raised his arm to protect his face and hit the box as it came down a second time. The lid flipped open, scattering a couple dozen brown cylinders across the floor.
I stared at the now-empty container.
Cuban cigars? Oh, boy.
Wailing with distress, the other old woman threw herself on her knees and began scooping cigars into her hands. The stocky man joined her and both of them scrambled about the floor, picking up the pieces.
Other policemen rushed forward to pull them away and trampled the Cubans underfoot. Tobacco leaves, residue, and little dark-colored chunks were scattered everywhere.
At that point, all the adults either shouted, swore, or wept. In case you didn’t know, we Italians don’t have much in the way of volume control.
The bored-looking teenagers lounged against the counter and ignored the scene. Now, both girls were talking on their cell phones.
I’d been so intent on watching the show I paid no attention to anything else until I smelled something burning. I shifted my gaze to tendrils of smoke rising out of one of the open suitcases on the counter where, apparently, the official’s lit cigar had landed. At the same time someone hollered, “Get a fire extinguisher!”
A general cry went up. While the airport staff scurried, the brunette, without a twinge of expression or any hurry to her pace, clicked off her phone, sauntered up to the counter, and emptied the contents of her water bottle into the smoldering suitcase.
Sizzle. Pop.
As if by magic, the oldest boy in the beanie came out of his trance. His eyes widened and his mouth tightened into a thin line of anger as a final burst of steam hissed out of the open luggage.
“What’d you do that for, bitch?” He dashed to where the brunette stood and punched her in the shoulder.
“Hey, stop it!” She dropped the backpack she held by its strap and threw the empty plastic bottle at him.
The kid deflected it with his arm, and it bounced away into oblivion. “I had my PSP in there, dammit.”
“Oh, shut up, asshole.”
As the girl leaned over to pick up her bag, the youth pushed her. She stumbled backward into the man still crouched over and moaning from Vita’s blow. His hand splayed on the floor for balance, and she stepped on it―hard.
“Ahi, managia!” As he jerked his hand away, his fingers snagged onto the strap of her backpack.
She tottered, then pulled back, jerking the bag with her. “Get your hands off me, you dirty old man. Mm-other, Tony’s hitting me again!”
Without realizing I spoke out loud, I said to the policeman, “Please, shoot them. Now! You’ll be doing us all a favor.”
He grinned and gave me a thumbs-up.
REVIEWS
Review by The Pen and Muse
Wednesday, May 19, 2010 by Rebecca Lynn
Rating: No ratings given
The good thing is that Will, darling Will, is coming back for another round after this one is over (or at least that's what it appears will happen). And Harriet (his heroine) looks like she will be back, also. The suspense was interesting and exciting. Definitely not a plot I expected, when the book began, which was a good thing. Full of surprises, and worth the read. The adjectives "humorous" and "romantic" are intentionally adjectives, I think. The focus of the plot is definitely the suspense, and both the humor and the romance play supporting roles to that. Nothing wrong with it, just something I thought should be noted, given the fact that I mostly review romance. But this was a good book. I enjoyed it. And I liked Will so much that I'm considering reading the next book. Should be very exciting to see if Will and Harriet will finally get their happy ending... :-) You know me, I'm all about the happily ever after.
Travel with them on their fast-paced romantic romp through Italy in pursuit of a lost grave, an assassin, and a healing and once-in-a-lifetime love.
http://www.thepenmuse.com/2010/05/review-all-for-fist-full-of-ashes-by-r.html
Review by Examiner.com
05/03/2010 by Ginger Simpson
Rating: No ratings given / Awesome Read
If you are looking for one book that delivers a satisfying dose of romance, humor, intrigue, danger, and sexual attraction so intense you feel it, then All for a Fist Full of Ashes by R. Ann Siracusa is just what the doctor ordered.
Harriet Ruby, a tour director with the Adventure Seekers Travel Agency, takes you along when she guides a somewhat unique family through Italy as they search for their roots. Their first meeting occurs during a fracus at the custom’s desk, when one officer helps himself to a single Cuban cigar the Spinelli/Mazza family carries with them. It seems in order to save money, they’ve rolled Uncle Carmelo’s ashes inside the several boxes of stogies they’ve brought with the intent of leaving them at his mother’s grave in Sicily.
Handsome William (Will) Talbot) is an agent for Europol. He and Harriet have met formerly, and he seems to be extremely patient with her, despite all the predicaments she finds herself in. They’ve agreed to a no-strings attached, sexual relationship, but there’s no denying the feelings are far more than casual.
The cane wielding grandmother, Vita, plays a hilarious role as the family matriarch, but it seems everyone in the family has their own agenda when Granny isn’t around. She likes Will and isn’t the least bit upset when he decides to tag along on the trip. Something stinks, and it isn’t in Denmark. One of the family members is the object of Will’s secret investigation.
Harriet has her hands full with this group--green hair, bad attitudes, an escaping snake, and more to cause you to chuckle. I guarantee you’ll keep turning pages and enjoying every moment. Kudos to Ms. Siracusa for this awesome read.
http://www.examiner.com/examiner/x-34490-eBooks-Examiner~y2010m5d3-Review--All-for-a-Fist-Full-of-Ashes--Romantic-MysterySuspense-with-Humor
Review by Night Owl Romance Reviews
February 1, 2010 by Vee
Rating: 4 ½ out of 5 (A top pick)
When Harriet Ruby, a tour director, is assigned to show Italy to the Spinella family, fourteen Italian-Americans from New Jersey, little does she know some of them have more than sightseeing on their minds.
She learns they have smuggled the ashes of one of their dearly departed to carry out his last wish; to be buried with his mother. The only problem is the family doesn’t know where the remaining family lives or where his mother is buried. Regardless, Vita, the family’s matriarch, is on a mission to fulfill her brother’s wish.
But Vita’s not the only Spinella with a mission. A terrorist plot is afoot. That explains why Will Talbot, Harriet’s on-again-off-again lover and superman agent, is also there.
Amid the chaos of the extended family, Will tries to figure out what and who, but he has little to go on. Unfortunately, that leaves him dependent on Harriet to gather information. A terrible liar and accident prone, Harriet sets out to help Will avert tragedy before it occurs.
Full of colorful characters and hilarious situations, All For A Fist Full Of Ashes is fun. The humor is slapstickish, but clever. Vita’s character, an elderly woman with a fast cane and a sharp mind is only one. There were many colordul characters in the story including a phython named Fluffy. The author did a good job of making them come alive.
My only criticism is the terrorist subplot and its resolution felt threadbare. I had a hard time believing Interpol would have so little information to go on and would have to rely on Harriet. Or course, that problem created more tension. If you like Janet Evanovich’s Stephanie Plum novels, you’ll like this series by R. Ann Siracusa. It’s spunky and well-told. Definitely kept me entertained.
http://www.nightowlromance.com/nightowlromance/reviews/Review.aspx?daoid=5293
Review by Coffee Time Romance and More
12/06/09 by Maura Frankman
Rating: 4 cups
This story is outrageously funny and over the top in every way. I do not think that there is a more obnoxious family on the planet than the Spinella/Mazza clan. I loved Vita and her deadly accurate cane and the green-haired Eric, but the rest of the bunch has few redeeming qualities. The scene in the airport with the Italian officials smoking some of Uncle Carmelo’s remains is hilarious. Harriet and Will’s relationship is complicated, since he keeps everything about himself a secret, but their love scenes are pretty hot. Harriet manages to keep her head, if not her control, for most of the journey, and you will enjoy her efforts to keep the group from destroying the luxury hotels of Italy, to keep the teenagers out of jail, and to help Will keep someone from assassinating the Pope. All in a day’s work for a tour guide. Not!
http://www.coffeetimeromance.com/BookReviews/allforafistfullofashes.html